Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
