Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
