a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
