I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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