No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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