I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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