Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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