What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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