please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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