that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
