she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
