ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
COCAINE IS GR8
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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