We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think my moral compass just broke
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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