I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
