shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
