when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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