The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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