Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
