I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
