Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just forgot I was standing up.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
