I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
