Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
