Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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