so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
