Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
