I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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