Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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