I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
