worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
