Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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