I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think your dad took our porno
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
