Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The power of my boobs compel you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
