It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
