Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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