foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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