Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
