Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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