What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
