I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
