I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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