She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize