Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
