Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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