She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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