making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
