TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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