Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
