Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to make out with him forever
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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