I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
