I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
