You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
