I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize