i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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