I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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