hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
