I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
