I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
