Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
