dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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