he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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