She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
