these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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