My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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