wakey wakey hands off snakey
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
