So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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